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Party hosts: do you throw bashes for the reciprocation?

when my friends host parties, they dont expect anything in returnMy husband and I are enthusiastic party hosts, and when our house is in good shape (i.e., when we don't have an infant child in the house...), we often have people over for dinner or drinks more than once a week. We throw dinner parties and informal bashes because it's a great way to socialize without having to deal with babysitters or the specter of bringing our boys into public adult spaces. And, because we just love to host.

Bob Morris, writing for the New York Times, doesn't just throw parties for the warm-and-fuzzies; he hosts, in part, for the reciprocation. When it isn't forthcoming? He says, one year, he was "livid." He explores the quid pro quo, or not, party hosting culture in his article and discovers that most hosts don't expect invitations in return.

If you're a frequent host, what do you expect in return? Or if you're a habitual guest, do you ever feel guilty? Or do you just say "thank you" and bring a bottle of wine?

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Filed Under: Trends, Newspapers
Tags: bob morris, BobMorris, host, hostess, hosting, hosting parties, HostingParties, new york times, NewYorkTimes, ny times, nyt, NyTimes, parties, party host, party hosting, PartyHost, PartyHosting, quid pro quo, QuidProQuo, throwing a party, ThrowingAParty

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Reader comments (Page 1 of 1)

Heidi

1-16-2006 @11:52AM Heidi said... On a side note... If you host a dinner party and guests bring wine as a gift, are you obligated to serve it? I had spent a lot of time picking a wine to pair with my meal and was snubbed when I chose to serve that instead of the 4 random bottles that showed up as gifts.
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Dominic

1-16-2006 @12:59PM Dominic said... Not to quibble but, as I'm sure you know, one "throws" party, one doesn't "through" it. Just thought I'd bring it to attention.



- Dominic
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sarah gilbert

1-16-2006 @4:43PM sarah gilbert said... thanks Dominic - late night. spellcheck didn't catch :)
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Mike

1-16-2006 @7:32PM Mike said... The reason to invite someone to your home and feed them is for the pleasure of their company. If you invite them with the intent to obligate them to reciprocate in a timely manner then you're just bartering, not hosting.



As for the wine, if someone asks "What can I bring?" and you suggest wine, then it sounds like it's a contribution to the meal and likely to be drunk. If you were not tasked with contributing to the meal but brought along a bottle as a gift you shouldn't expect the hosts to share the bottle with 20 people so they only get the smallest sip. If you bring the wine for the particular reason of sharing something new or special ( No Two Buck Chuck ) with the group, tell this to the host when you present the bottle. Otherwise they'll assume it was a gift and put it away for another time.
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eli

1-16-2006 @7:37PM eli said... We host a lot, and like to put together fancy meals with multiple courses. I don't expect anyone to reciprocate, though it's nice when they do. If someone brings wine, then we serve it, unless it doesn't go with the meal at all, or we've planned something special already.
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5 Comments / 1 Pages

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