Keeping Up With the Cranberries

Now that Thanksgiving is over, the question is, did you get to eat cranberries? And weren't they great, and they're good for you so don't you think this is a good time to keep the trend going, and keep eating them on a regular basis? Words cannot describe how good they are for you -- acidic enough to cut a mile-wide path through your clogged urinary tract. Girls prone to urinary tract infection take cranberry extract supplements all the time, and so do savvy boys with bad prostates. Recent studies show cranberry could fight tooth decay, lower cholesterol, even heal your twisted, broken heart. No berry has more anti-oxidants, except maybe the blueberry, which has got his brother cran's back when the heat's on.

 The cool thing about cranberry sauce is it comes in a can, and it is even allowed to retain its pleasing can shape when served, as is the anti-pretentious American tradition (if at the Thanksgiving table, someone insists on mashing the sauce up, you are required, according to the original tenets of the Pilgrims at Plymouth Rock, to pelt them with bits of balled up bread and accuse them of pretension.) I didn't get out to an actual turkey day this year, and that made it about the best Thanksgiving ever, wandering the deserted New York streets muttering to myself. But a special someone did bring me a tupperware container full of leftovers from the party she went to, and man, the cook really laid on the garlic, but the cranberries were awesome. I had to take three alka seltzers and it made me realize, you can ruin a turkey by letting it get too dry or cramming it full of too much salt and garlic, but you can't screw with cranberries. They rock.

 See, cranberries got proanthocyanidins (PACs), which prevent E. coli bacteria from sticking to the walls of the urinary tract and other sensitive areas. This stops you from getting all sorts of nasty things that bacteria would like to cause you with all its sticking. They are laden with anti-oxidants, more so than any other fruit, with blueberries maybe in second place and that pomegranate stuff in the funny bottle that costs four dollars.

Now there are many ways in which to keep the cranberry habit going. Many will tell you that the stuff is far too bitter to take straight, but don't believe the hype and go drinking Ocean Spray juice cocktails thinking you're going to really get healthy. Anything that calls itself a cranberry juice "cocktail" is going to be basically Hawaiian punch with a couple of cranberries thrown in. It's better for you than, say, Kool Aid, but it's not exactly the healthiest choice. Ocean Spray also makes good juice blends that mix cranberry with other juices, such as grape and raspberry, in the misguided assumption that we strong Americans are afraid of a juice so tart and bitter that it causes our eyes to pop out and our tongue to curl back inwards on itself like a rolled up newspaper.

 The best bet to go is go to the health food store and demand they let you have the real deal. The 100% all-cranberry juice is so bitter you basically need gloves to handle it, but that's part of the appeal if you are into the extreme food culture. Dilute it with seltzer water to make it last if you can't handle the truth; either way it will clean you out right on down the line from the teeth (it prevents cavities by stopping bacteria from clinging to teeth) out the now bacteria-free urethra. A fair compromise is stuff from the Northland Cranberry Co. which boasts that it has 27% cranberry juice in among its 100% juice content. That's quite a livable amount, it will keep your insides running smooth, but also not cause you to get into a permanent pucker. The concentrate supplement - Cranberry 1000 is, in my experience, the best of the supplements.

But to get back to Thanksgiving, we all know that the best way to dig the cranberry is via that can-shaped work of art known as cranberry sauce that goes around the table along with the stuffing and the gravy and the mashed potatoes. Think about it and the next time you are invited to a Thanksgiving affair, just bring a can of the good stuff, sit on the table and say, "Yep, my work is done." So what if it's got a lot of added sugar? Don't be such a killjoy. There's just something so magic about how it keeps its original can shape. It quivers with great style when passed and is just --well Warholian is I guess the word, in its post-modern élan. Not to mention that spreading some of the leftover cranberry onto your leftover turkey sandwich is a lovely thing to do in the days following the Thanksgiving holiday. In fact, many diners now even serve cranberry with their turkey sandwiches, now that's progress, Pilgrim! So if you've still got some left, now's the time to get on the cranberry bandwagon, all the way to perfect health.

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