There are lots of "top" lists. GQ's top 20 burgers. LA's top fifteen sushi restaurants. Bon Appetit's top five food cities.
There also "bottom" lists, and at Halloween time, my favorite is the one that lists all those things that you got when trick or treating that were just awful. When you got home, still dressed in your costume, with your mask on, you dump your pillowcase out onto the floor and start sorting. The good, the not-as-good, the bad, and then way off to the side, there are the straight up uglies that obviously came from your neighbors who have no children enter into their lives whatsoever. They give out stuff like...travel toothbrushes. Pennies. If they think they're generous, maybe they give out dimes. Andes mints. Who gives out after dinner chocolate mints for Halloween?! I'll never forgive Mrs. Carson for that.
So here are my bottom five Halloween candies (leaving out the Andes mints because really now, they shouldn't never ever be given out to make it onto this list in the first place):
1. Butterfinger - Is there anyone besides Homer Simpson who likes Butterfinger? If so, speak up and tell me why!!
2. One Hershey's Kiss - That's just cheap. I'd rather have the toothbrush.
3. Fruit Roll-ups - Fruit roll-ups are fruit. They are not candy.
4. Fruit - Please see #3.
5. Coffee Nips - Now, come on. Hard candy that tastes like coffee. As if the sugar wasn't enough at Halloween, you want kids hopped up on caffeine?
Trick or treat!














