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Whether or not there are as many isoflavones/antioxidants in the average chocolate bar as was previously thought, there is no doubt the beloved chocolate, savior of our existence, is packed with some other very cool ingredients, such as:
caffeine, which works to reduce swelling of tired muscles, and sugar for short
term energy, and tryptophan, which is what makes you sleepy when you eat turkey at Thanksgiving. There's also a sex drug called phenylethylamine.
This delightful chemical is what science types refer
to as the "chocolate amphetamine." This is why nothing beats dark
chocolate after sex; the sugar gets your post-orgasm blood flowing again, and
the phenylethylamine gooses the post-coitus high. Here's an interesting tidbit:
the ancients Aztecs used cocoa beans as money! They used gold like it was dry
wall, but cocoa was the cigarettes in the jail of their existence.
This would all be great news, except that I like my chocolate to be made in Pennyslvania instead of Germany, and readily available at the local deli for 75 cents, full of nuts (just like Pennsylvania) but no doubt lacking in the phenylethylamine department. As for those Dark Lindt numbers that boast 85% or 70% cocoa in proud white letters on their labels, I can attest to their effect in my own sparkling sex life. But when there ain't no woman around, when it's just me and my Woody Allen stress, I go for the Snickers or Mr. Goodbar, as they both cause and cure, in the true American way.
Those
American chocolate bars, though they got me through the unbearable New
York City heat wave of the past few days, also have left me with a bit
of a gut. Me, who runs up and down his four flights of stairs to his
little studio apartment in the East Village! The trouble is, that urban
stress coupled with simple economics – a GIANT bar of Hershey's with
almonds is cheaper than a small little Lindts. You do the math. But
then I just gulp down half a five ounce Mr. Goodbar while looking
anxiously through my DVD collection and finally settling on nothing.
I've seen it all before, and so nervously I pace around my room. And
then while checking my email for Friendster responses, and getting
none, the other half of this giant sugar catastrophe vanishes.
So then what is left in my refrigerator? A perfectly dignified half of a three ounce bar of Guylian Belgian Dark Chocolate which I bought about a month ago and which has been patiently cooling it's heels in my fridge ever since. Sure, it's dark and pungent and no doubt so rich in tryptophan and phenylethylamine that a single little chocolate square will wipe clean a whole summer Monday worth of stress, but who cares? It's European; it's respectable; it's boring.
But here's where Nutella comes in. For those who don't know, let me school you on this
hazelnut and chocolate spread the European kids all love over there. It
can usually be found near the peanut butter in your non-average grocery
store, and it's sweet enough to be a good yin to the austere and bitter
yang of the dark chocolate (Note:
don’t put the Nutella in the refrigerator after it's opened – put it in
the kitchen cabinet in plain sight so when you open the door to get
sugar for their coffee, your guests think you're European).
Break
up the big squares of an 85% Lindt and spread a bit of Nutella on it,
the way you might put cream cheese on a ritz cracker, then arrange the
squares in an Escher-esque pattern on an ordinary small plate, garnish
with strawberries if available, and serve with either after dinner
coffee, chamomille tea, or Bombay Gin on the rocks with lime.
While
sweet and galvanizing, this is not the sort of thing you're going to
eat three bars of before collapsing into a heap of sugar-buzzed guilt.
Without Nutella, dark chocolate is like an ambassador to the U.N.,
rational, effective, pungent and non-habit forming. Two or three square
max and you'll have forgotten all about the remaining ones, as you'll
be too fascinated by your own toes, or someone else's.
For some reason, though, that sort of contentment can be a downer for me, when I'm alone at any rate. An all-American choco-mofo like me likes to eat the way a wolf eats, ravenous and distracted by the televison. Though that quality Belgian stuff is potent and I feel like a real adult having it around, nothing says "U.S.A." quite like devouring an entire 5 oz. Mr. Goodbar while readjusting to your home after a night on the town. Where the Belgian chocolate ends the craving, the Mr. Goobar merely fuels it. It’s a Bud Light instead of one of those dark beers with a monk on the label, white bread instead of health nut; American cheese food instead of cheese. In the supermarket of life, a real American like me will choose life substitute.
What is it about being an American that makes eating the junky, processed alternative to something real and good (read:European) so much more pleasurable? Sure, we can ween ourselves off Big Macs and mac and cheese and start going to those trendy markets patronized by composed Swiss nannies, and we can learn the names of purple edged lettuces and how to tell if the pine nuts are Spanish or Italian, but we know we're selling out; somewhere a blonde bearded biker is shedding a tear as the American flag bandanna once wrapped proudly around his head falls off and spirals limply to the broken earth.
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11-05-2005 @11:25PM Useful_Arts said... Fantastic writing my friend.
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11-07-2005 @12:42PM Brian said... The ne plus ultra of Swiss chocolate companies, thanks to its simple but rich and incredibly smooth creations. WHat to try: World-famous champagne truffles. mmmhhhh,,,
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8-19-2005 @6:58PM Carl said... Obviously you have never had british candy bars. A British Snickers tastes far better than an American Snickers. The Europeans, especially the British, have far better chocolate.
I can't even eat American chocolate anymore because of it. The thought of eating a Hershey bar is about a appetizing as cow dung.
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8-19-2005 @7:05PM cybele said... I'm on board with the feel-good candy. I too have lots of candy on hand, but tend to gravitate towards the stuff that makes me feel good - candy that has a mix of flavors and textures. Not just chocolate, but often with nuts, milk chocolate, crispy wafers or caramel. The purity of those lusty dark bars is just too, well, too much of a vaccuum. It's like an acapella song ... I might listen to the lyrics more, but a chorus of voices just makes me feel alive.
Why let peer pressure or marketing interfere with what we enjoy? It's hard as an adult to admit that I like lemonheads or skittles in the same breath as Vosges or Green & Black. It's the same way with all food - I enjoy cheese-food as much as real cheese. Such are the contradictions of so many choices and an open mind.
Frankly, that stuff that makes it our way from Europe is just show - travel any subway or visit a newsstand on the Continent or UK and you'll see them chomping down their sticky-sweet Nestles just like us.
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8-20-2005 @12:44AM Greg said... I aggree that European Chocolate is better. Even if you don't like the dark stuff Lindt makes the most awesome milk chocolate. However, a good compromise and great deal is the trader joes 3 pack chocolate bars. I went to go get one to read the package but i'm flat out!
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8-23-2005 @7:23PM FFFish said... Cheap chocolate = CHILD SLAVE LABOUR chocolate.
Google it.
And then quit supporting the terribly abusive slavery systems that are providing you your crappy Snickers and Hersheys and low-quality chocolate.
High-end organic chocolate is almost certain to *not* be slavery chocolate. And Fair Trade chocolate is definitely not slavery chocolate.
Do the Right Thing.
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8-23-2005 @7:23PM FFFish said... Cheap chocolate = CHILD SLAVE LABOUR chocolate.
Google it.
And then quit supporting the terribly abusive slavery systems that are providing you your crappy Snickers and Hersheys and low-quality chocolate.
High-end organic chocolate is almost certain to *not* be slavery chocolate. And Fair Trade chocolate is definitely not slavery chocolate.
Do the Right Thing.
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8-20-2005 @1:13AM Carl said... Do they eat Nestle's in Europe? Yep. Do they eat Mars Bars, Skittles, and M&M's over in europe also? They sure do.
But they taste different.
The same brands we have here are over in Europe but they are made differently, the chocolate is different. It's better.
I believe it is because they make the chocolate creamier, but i'm not sure. I just know it is better and everyone I have ever met that have had chocolate from America and chocolate in Britain have all said the British candy wins everytime.
Even the skittle taste different. Our candy here in the States pales in comparison.
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8-20-2005 @1:18AM Carl said... I forgot to mention, you are right that the european chocolate we get over here in the States is just for show. That is very true.
The average Brit doesn't hop on a double decker while chomping on some Lindt chocolate. He is more likely chomping on Cadbury chocolate, or Mars, or yes even Nestle... but as I said it is produced over in Europe and tasted different. A European Nestle candy bar tastes noticeably better than an American made Nestle candy bar.
All you have to do is compare a package of Maltesers (made by Mars in Britain) to a package of Whoppers (made by Hershey in the U.S.). They are both chocolate malted milk balls.. but the Maltesers blow away Whoppers.
As I said, once you get used to British and European candy... American candy pales in comparison.
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8-20-2005 @2:12AM Stefani said... Chocolate after sex??? How about after masturbation? Cuz I dont have a date, but I am horny and have lots of chocolate.
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8-20-2005 @2:46AM e40 said... Many do not know that chocolate loosens the muscle at the bottom of your esophagus. Why is this relevant? Because many people eat chocolate after a meal, when their stomach is full, which leads to acid reflux. Americans spend more money on acid reflux medication than any other.
Do yourself a favor, eat chocolate as an afternoon snack, when your stomach is empty and you aren't about to lay down.
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8-22-2005 @10:11AM Joey (Kevin) said... Why is European chocolate different?
1) Tradition. Lindt invented the modern process of chocolate-making. Before chocolate had a sort of cristalline consistency. They don't control the mass market though, being three or four times as expensive as Nestle (a swiss make I can't eat) etc. For decent quality try Ritter Sport in Germany or Cadbury's. There is great nut chocolate in Spain, too.
2) It is forbidden to label something as chocolate
in Europe if it doesn't contain a certain quantity of
chocolate-butter (the chocolate beans own fat). Cheap, so-called chocolate uses lower value fat. Although it is of course a matter of taste. Cadbury traditionally used a high amount of coconut-fat. If you ask me, it's got a great taste all the same. There was some trouble when they were supposed to stop using the name chocolate fpr their product!
3) Less sugar! Americans are used to greater amounts of it. I prefer the bitter taste.
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8-20-2005 @9:45AM Vincent Oberle said... Well, Nutella over 85% Lindt, that really marks this blog as american (I'm from Europe)... If you one day make European versions of this blog, don't translate such posts.
Just to clarify, wasting great black chocolate with this horrible Nutella, what a lack of taste.
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8-25-2005 @12:29PM robert said... Please, no more snotty euro comments.
Frankly most chocolate I've tasted it good. Yes, the expensive stuff tastes better be it made in old-europe or new america. I'm not sure about the over generalized claims of better candy ?alles in GB though, seems crazy talk to me.
Amusing post, great read.
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8-20-2005 @11:49AM tr?l said... If you think american chocolate is worse than european, please never try chocolate in Brazil. It's waaaay too sweet and the law here permits a higher percentage of paraffin.
Yes, they use paraffin, so the bars won't melt in the heat of the tropics.
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8-21-2005 @2:09PM Francesco said... Try and get some Novi cream from Novi Ligure, that's not the commercial product all kids loved... as you might read with a machine translation of this Cibo360 comparison: "Nutella is a legend but there's better still". Check Comida de Mama for a recipe with the Novi cream. Ciao!
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8-23-2005 @7:13PM random said... I hate Hershey bars. They're overly sweet, waxy, and have a very wrong texture to them. However, they are also typically a quarter a piece, so there's clearly some corners that have been cut to get that bar o' mockolate to your grocery store.
There are far better American brands out there. Dove for one, which is produced by M&M Mars now.
Nutella is an indulgence best served with marshmallow fluff on white bread. Kiddie food granted, but tasty food all the same.
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8-29-2005 @1:26AM Cassie said... I couldn't resist commenting on this one... I'm a chocoholic from day one and I had to read this article. I've tried European chocolate and to tell the truth, I don't think its any different than the good ole American chocolate. Chocolate is chocolate to me and I inhale it all the same. But I am a person who doesn't mind the taste of a dark chocolate because its a little too bitter for my taste. The sweeter the better to me and give it to me in the masses!! And spreading Nutella on things?! NO WAY!! Give that stuff to me straight out of the jar. So in the end people...lets just all get along on this topic because any chocolate is good chocolate and I would HATE to live in a world without it.
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8-29-2005 @5:06AM MikeA said... American chocolate is fine... in its own way. Just like sometimes you dont want to open a great bottle of French Bordeaux, but its still nice to chug down some Californian chardonney in the Sun... but I agree that even the best (probably Hersheys in my book) is not up to the quality of European chocolate...
I dont know exactly what it is, something to do with the sweetener used I think?
And may I just point out that there is a big difference between the chocolate bars made in Europe and the same bars made if the UK (or at least marketed in the UK). A Mars or Snickers in France (etc) is coated with different chocolate, and definitely inferior to the UK-bought ones in the same wrappers.
The best chocolate for everyday consumption? Cadburys! (bought in the UK) Either 'Dairy Milk' or 'Bournville'... and there are some very good fair trade organic chocolate which is sold in (e.g.) Oxfam.
Just to throw you a final spinner; the best chocolate I ever tased was a bar of Cadburys I bought in Colorado!
It was made under license by Hersheys! exactly the same ingredients as the UK Cadburys, except it used Corn sugers..
Never found any since...
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9-04-2005 @3:56PM Marian said... I eat only european chocolate because the american chocolate is:
1. dull - no flavor, just throw the ingredients there
2. too sweet
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